Darren Han Solo Hayes

Just a quick final note: I'm in the process of shaking things up a bit on the official site. I expect there will be a few people who will continue to leave messages concerning the relative issues that have arisen in this little cyber galaxy I inadvertently created. So in your best interests, as well as the interests of others, I will cease replying to any future messages. I believe it's best this way. Many thanks to Sunhawk, Stine, and the rest of you, for being honest, intelligent, open minded individuals. Once more..Big hugs and love,
Darren

Hey..look. This was a bad idea. I was a little uneasy about even opening myself up to this kind of reaction and I should not have allowed myself to become this personal even though I was cool with the whole idea in the beginning. SO.....
to avoid the mad chaos and confusion I've inevitably created, what I'm going to do is detach myself from this thing and say goodbye.
You are still the shit. The mass enthusiasm and support is felt and will continue to be greatly appreciated. I thankyou for your quality conversations, your kindness, and your sense of humor....no pun intended there ;) If I have to take the step to prevent any sensitive situations or considerable amount of animosity, I will. I love you. Stay connected.
xxxxD

Come on you guys. Seriously. My job doesn't make me a better person. A better human being. I still scratch my bum. I still lurk online time to time. See? Here I am. I'm obsessed with human love and interaction. I guess that's why I'm allowing to let my guard down and step into a room instead of stick my head in the sand. Honestly. The only difference between me and you is I get paid for doing what I love doing most - making music. But you guys are one of the greatest highlights of my career.. you inspire me and remind me what's important in life. Spiritually. Physically. And emotionally. You keep me grounded with little conversations about "real" things. Even if it's about nothing. In the end, I'm still me. Silly old Darren. I hope this will respectfully address your, is it popstar Hayes, questions. Actually, it makes me chuckle. I feel alien-like sometimes. Trying to make sense of these things we call computers, is a challenge in itself. I just want to assure you that I've always been reluctant to play the fame game. There are people out there, (like you guys!) that probably deserve more love and happiness than me. I think, being in this business, people take me too seriously sometimes. As a general rule, I try to be as open and honest about myself as a person, as much as possible. Obviously, you're going to get alot of flack for it, but hey, I love feeling so welcome on here and just being able to chill.
Mardi Gras - FANTASTIC. I can tell you that I officially know how to party now. hehehe..
xDarren

That was probably one of the most, if not, saddest movies I have ever seen.
Since I'm usually quite awake this time of the morning, I decided to watch the movie, "The Notebook". If you haven't seen it, I urge you too. Beautifully sad but what an amazing love story. It's 4 am and I'm all teary eyed. This part really grabbed me...but I won't give it all away..

"...If in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember...

Well..something close to that!
It makes you realize how powerful love can be. If you have seen it, you know what I'm talking about. If you HAVEN'T seen it... Please do! I think everyone who sees it will be able to relate to some part of it in their lives....
If this career doesn't work out, I should consider becoming a movie critic. Imagine that. HAH.

now where did I leave my tissues....

xxDarren

Hey!
Sunhawk and Stine: That's a really fair theory. It's completely cool with me. I'm aware there are ALOT, I say ALOT of that kind of stuff going on. It's been going on as far back as I can remember. Look, I don't normally do this but I'm thrilled out of my brain to be able to talk to you guys on here. There is more support and interest in the music online than anything so I can't complain too much about how someone uses a computer. These things can be really deceptive so you have to watch your back. I learned the hard way when I was actually refused entry to one of those pretentious little nightclubs around town. They claimed I was impersonating "that guys from Savage Garden". So I was denied VIP rights and Ben, our guitarist took my place instead! I can laugh thinking about it now. But seriously, that kind of thing isn't cool. I have to be honest guys, it's would really be kind of damaging to my self-esteem if I visited the Sony forum. For many reasons, I tend to keep away from it because that's your world to discuss the music, my hair, my crotch, whatever! ;)
I have to say there are alot of sincere fans who aren't necessarily into me because they dig the music. There are alot of people who just get a kick out of creating an image out of an artist (in terms of sexuality, comfort, attention etc). It's impossible to keep tabs on these kind of things, and I value all the hard work put into the running of the Sony board.
The internet is constantly dealing with a few cases of zany nut case people most of the time specifically for impersonating people, things, plants, whatever!
But I sincerely thankyou for being calming, insightful, intelligent people on here. It's all good. Initially, I was hesitant about creating my own digs in another part of cyberspace. I figured it would be a tough run to be accepted without the notion of identity issues arising ( which I frequently deal with quite often believe it or not). I have accidently sent emails to the wrong people. Because of this I have had to change to another private account. To save us all from chaos and confusion, I completely understand your thoughts and feelings with the whole online status we all hold. This is just one of the trappings of success that make you feel limited as a person. There's a falseness that goes hand in hand with superstardom. Some people think I'm pretty serious, but really I'm just quite sincere when it comes to identifying myself as Darren, (who enjoys lurking on the internet! ..farting, scratching my bum, the good stuff..hehe) That's why alot of people are generally surprised to find out how interactive I can be. I'm genuine and I think that's why I don't fit the celebrity type because I don't think there is a lot of sincerity among celebrities generally. Trust me. I don't leave little messages around on the internet, saying 'do you know who I am?' The thing with me is every time I want to be famous no one knows who the hell I am and every time I don't want to be it's like 'there's the guy from Savage Garden!' I'm constantly rejected! It's so sad. I guess there's an advantage to it sometimes..haha
I won't deny it. Sometimes I get a little embarrassingly rejected and disheartened when people question me when I'm lurking. But I LOVE your honesty and I enjoy our intelligent music loving conversations. So THANKYOU!! Mr. Aniston has left the stage. Thankyou guys. That's enough rambling from me. But I dig it, I dig you, and I'm so grateful to have the coolest people dig the music.
Big squeezy hugs,
Darren

While I'm on my late night lurk, I want to say thank you to everyone (Sunhawk, Stine, Linda, Janine, and others who have been frequent comment lurkers) for making my 'in hiding' a fantastic one as well as respecting my little post privileges here. I am overwhelmed by your music-loving conversations. Your kindness. It's made me feel very special. My point is I wish I could return the favour. I am very lucky to have such a loyal and loving group of people cheering me on and I want you to know that I'm very grateful for the love I feel from all of you. I'm so pleased with the music that is being created. Until then, just know that you make me feel like the luckiest guy on earth. That's it. Just a quick one. I'm exhausted!

with love and thanks always
xDarren

...Darren Hayes, man of fashion and passion, has found himself browsing through pages and pages of Starwars sites while humming to Roxette's "Joyride".
Oh god. This is a real crisis people. I have come to the realization that I have a very boring social life this late at night. haha

xxD

Wassup?
Again?
hehehe...

I CAN'T SLEEP.
Help.
xxD

Oh Gawd. You know what? I was responding to a few comments I just read and everything was erased. There have been a few vile words on my side...Hahah
This one is for Stine. Seriously, everyone has a right to defend their feelings. I haven't been labeled a "fictional character" before until now. Contrary to the whole popstar image, that's fair enough. Haha. Most people find it typically "NOT normal" for people in this kind of business to be so personal. It's a very stereo-typed industry. But I'm very personal with my fans and this usually surprises most people. I probably should keep myself in check more often but you guys make it too hard for me.. (OK. Fan is not a favorable word but you get the idea)..For one, yes, I think you're an absolute sweetie. You "get me" which is so cool. I'll say it again. I think you're a little star. Seriously..this journal is really just a personal place to express myself. No direct bearing to the official site. I think it's cool just to be able to relax and chill here without the chaos. It allows me to free up the subconscious...to talk very honestly without thinking of the consequences and leave the whole "messages from a popstar" concept up in the air. Sony has its limitations in respects to my personal rambling. As far as the music goes with album news, tours, latest happenings, etc..that's cool. I can dig it. But this is more or less a place to chill and express myself more freely without the drama. Not as the guy who sold a million albums worldwide but as Darren. And that's pretty cool. On that note, can I just say..

You are absolutely adorable and I love you too.

Big hugs,
Darren

You know what I'm goona agree with you guys.
Sunhawk, Stine, Linda,.. I really, really appreciate your advice, your opinions. We've all been there. We've all been hurt by someone or something at one time in our lives. I will always adore this person but we're not friends anymore. We haven't spoken in over three years. This might sound familiar..

A crowded room, friends with tired eyes
I'm hiding from you and your soul of ice
My god I thought you were someone to rely on
Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on

I'm a very emotional person. And within the context of this friendship, it made me feel safe. We had a real connection...we had an instant rapport..so I thought. I was very spoiled because I did everything with this person for nine, ten years. I had never let myself share that kind of special bond with anyone else before. We were catalysts for one another. I was constantly trying to rough him up, and he was trying to smooth me out.
Now I just feel like my emotions are on autopilot. I guess it was more like a superficial friendship in the end. I thought we shared something special but this is what I mean when I'm talking about being a "cheap replacement." We've taken different paths now and that's OK. It's made me re-evaluate life. I'm working harder then I ever have before and I'm more passionate about making the best out of it. I've always had to feel loved and needed. But I don't feel that urgency to depend on people anymore as much as I used too. Umm..I guess learning to let go of different people in my life, has been a key turning point for me.
I've come to realize we can't control having our hearts broken. As fast as people come into our lives, they can walk away from us just as quickley. I have some things other people want, and other people have some things I want.
All in all it's been a fair trade off for everyone involved...
But I do want you to know that I'm really very happy at the moment..
Thanks for letting me have somewhere to go when this life decides to shake things up a bit.
Sometimes that's just what we need to get us through the day.
You guys are incredible. I won't forget your kindness. Thankyou so much.

Love always,
Darren

aka Mr Fluffy pants

Hey my little groove monkeys!

First off I just want to make it clear I can accept the fact that the past has been traded for other things..other people..other opportunities. But what hurts the most is how easy it is for people who were once close to us to make that transition. It's still painful for me to think about it. You can move on but you can still have a hard time letting go. It can be a scary thing. We enumerate all the things that need forgiving...and then, just...rejoice in letting go of them. I forgive you is one of my favorite songs on the album. This song is addressed to the same person who caused me so much pain and anguish and it's almost a way of saying "Screw you"....I need to get on with my life so I'll forgive you - not because I want to but because I NEED to...for ME. That's all I'm going to say about it anymore. It's a touchy subject. I suppose it would be better not to go there. But you're absolutely right. I need to stand up for what I've always believed in. The power of forgiving the past. "I feel so high just letting go"- Letting go of unnecessary hurt. Letting go of people who only thought of you as worthless and unlovable all along... It's such a relief to shed this emotional baggage. It's time to close the curtain on this one, once and for all. But here's a final statement for this certain individual who has inevitably made me feel like a cheap replacement.

For all the torment
Loss of independence
For disrespect and carelessness with my emotions
For all the screams I swallowed
And how my soul was hollow
For giving in to temptation
For making me feel like a cheap replacement
And how the truth has made me see
How your lies had buried me
But I forgive you
Lord I Must forgive you.



Darren

Hey guys..

Wow..! I am right exhausted. How you 'doin? OK. Happy to say, after biting the bullet, I really don't think I can bring myself to confront Daniel. I've decided it seems easier to act "cool" about the whole thing and act like I am honestly happy with life as it is. Avoiding him seems hell of alot easier. I have a gut feeling too much animosity has gotten in the way. To be honest, I haven't been able to address the tension between us for atleast 3 years now. It kind of puts you in a difficult predicament. Sometimes I would rather plaster on a fake grin than make any sudden or rational moves.

Sigh. God. The more I bump into Daniel the more my heart sinks..
If he only knew this is how I really felt inside...


Darren

Ahhhh..thanks doll. You're such a sweetheart, really.
I am exceptionally proud the single is staying up there so well. I didn't expect such a jump like that. You guys deserve the credit for keeping me number one. Thankyou. Thankyou so much for keeping me grounded otherwise I'd probably gloat about now. Hehehe..


You are truly a star in your own right Stine.
Big hugs,
Darren

Hey guys,

I'll be totally and completely honest. Call me crazy for letting out alot of personal hurt in these private digs but I'm struggling to keep it all undercover. Sometimes you go through phases where you need to let a bit of it out in order to breath rather than push it to the back of your mind. You know, honestly, alot of it has to do with Daniel. Look, I never thought I would hurt for this long - or this much. I don't mean to sound harsh, but when Daniel said goodbye, in a sense, it felt like he cut off an incredibly special tie between us and it didn't even affect him whatsoever. Now and than it hits home. It hits here, the heart, and it hurts. Sorry for sounding cheesy. If I didn't let this out it would make it worse just keeping it inside. Please don't get me wrong. I will always respect and adore him. But I think I'm still dealing with alot of hurt. The healing process can be a real bitch. I REALLY shouldn't be so open in my posts, but hey, I dig you guys and I really appreciate your love and support. Not just speaking about the music..but being able to relate to the shit life hands out on a daily basis to all of us. Whether it be a family related issue, a lover, a friend..It's pretty damn cool to be a popstar who is still accepted for being human and making mistakes.
Seriously. Thankyou for being so damn amazing.
xxxxDarren

To Australia.
To my family back home.
To the love of my life ...
you all know who you are. I love you. This is another very recent radio song that grasps the significance of feeling terribly empty and alone inside despite the fact that we are surrounded by a million people in everyday life. Without that one special person to fall back on, the one we used to seek protection, love, and comfort from, it can make you feel completely alone and defenseless. You almost want to disconnect yourself from the rest of the world. It's not always easy to forget someone you had once absolutely adored and was once a big part of your life. I always believed in the power of commitment. The power of love. I have made a lot of bad choices, extensively, in the past. Biggest Hurdle...you know I think I'm still facing it. It's called life. Every day though is about finding blessings, and obstacles and being grateful to the small things in life. Sometimes it's not always easy to put on a show and constantly appear happy when inside you feel incredibly heartbroken.
In the meantime, I'm learning to kiss goodbye to the past and embrace the future with a positive spirit.. This time around I want to play the game right...
xxDarren




Michael Buble - Home



Another summer day
Is come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
"I'm fine baby, how are you?"
Well I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another airplane
Another sunny place
I'm lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I've got to go home

Let me go home
I'm just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believe in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I'm surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I've had my run
Baby, I'm done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all right
I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home

Sarah McLachlan. Artist of incredible human spirit..love and life. Sorry for the emotional heaviness this early in the morning. You know how life goes..
Darren


"Push"
Sarah McLachlan


Every time I look at you the world just melts away
All my troubles all my fears dissolve in your affections
You've seen me at my weakest but you take me as I am
And when I fall you offer me a softer place to land

You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe

I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe
No matter what I say or do 'cause you're to good to fight about it
Even when I have to push just to see how far you'll go
You wont stoop down to battle but you never turn to go

You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe

Your love is just the antidote when nothing else will cure me
There are times I cant decide when I cant tell up from down
You make me feel less crazy when otherwise I'd drown
But you pick me up and brush me off and tell me I'm OK
Sometimes thats just what we need to get us through the day

You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe

Oh my god! What is this world coming too? A list of private celebrity phone numbers being leaked out all over the internet? This is sad. Your job as an entertainer stops at the door marked PRIVACY. Quite frankly, people scare me. There is a huge space that should define your job as an entertainer from your private life. I couldn't believe it when I heard this. Thank GOD I'm not one of those people in the now "infamous Paris Hilton address book". It's a shame that people are crazy enough to unveil even the smallest part of a persons life. That is so uncool. Whatever happened to respect and privacy? Sympathy to Paris Hilton and her address list!

WOW.
xx
Darren

hey hey hey! I'm starting to think I update this journal more often than the official site. I AM SO BAD! OWW! I'm sorry. Maybe I should take over Live Journal all together..could you imagine?? Hehehehe...
Enough silly talk. I'm EXHAUSTED. But as happy as ever. I love you. Tell someone you love them today.
Big hugs,
Darren

AAAAAWWWWWWW! Geeeez!
You guys are absolute sweeties.

Talk to you all again in the very near future. I love ya.
Big squeezy hugs,
Darren

Hello everyone!
What's going on? You guys doing alright?
OK..OK.. here's the deal. I promise to start updating my little space here as soon as things cut me some slack. It's been CRAZY. I'm not kidding. Try keeping the loose ends of an album together. COMPLETE CHAOS. Oh my god! Seriously. I really, really, really need some downtime.
On a more positive note, I'm feeling much better. I heard from Daniel the other day. Actually it surprised me a little. We don't, um, really keep tags on each other that much so it was really good to hear from him again. I just love and respect Daniel so much. He is the most amazing person I know.
The album is doing fantastic. The support keeps pouring in. I am so thankful.
Wherever you are..
I love you. God bless.
xxxDarren